Rufus Bing
The Glitter Rats
Tony and the Intern
Welcome Charles LeMarl
Let The Weekend Begin

This E-mail Improv was started with a painting.

What's this is make you think of?

Terminator 2 !!!! What did they call that stuff? Liquid metal? Seems like they had another term for it in the movie.
Mud Flowers Muddle Puddle Heavy Splashes
Melted Mummy Plop Plop Fizz Fizz Shploop

Muddle Puddle sounds perfect.

Awwwww... Shploop didn't ring your chimes? He was such a cute little feller... Muddle Puddle was just wandering around and fell into the painting ( or did Melted Mummy push him in? )

As Jackie Chrome one of my heroes and role model from the Dark Backward would say "You've got to have a name that grabs ya! Something with pizazz.something that just rolls off your tongue.Something that's fun to say and could possibly become a fad.Something that could make the Hybrid consumer think there might be some hidden message like some old Beatles record.After looking at all your suggestion and the painting several time Muddle Puddle fit the bill perfectly.
In the semi-hybrid world a cult would be started with members tatooing the painting on their bodies and chanting their mantra Muddle Fuddle Muddle Fuddle.

Well, that's show business isn't it? Shploop had the dream but Muddle Puddle was in the right place at the right time. And now, years later, you should see the slow burn on Shploop's face when he is downtown and a group of half-naked Muddle cultists with their tatooed bodies and sandals walk by him chanting, chanting ....

If he would have been with RBP we would have certainly suggested he think about changing his name or at least the spelling.Our focus group also found that Shploop probably will not come into style untill at least the year 2007.At that time we would be glad to reconsider any suggestions he may have or especially any new ideas he may have.
If Mr Shploop is interested we could have his name trade marked before the year 2006.

Due to our trade mark agreement with the Muddle Puddle cult(we get 13% of all sales) and on advice of our legal department we are unable to comment on any responsibility to Mr. Shploops physical,emotional or mental condition at this time.
All our best to Mr Shploops.We welcome and look forward to any future submissions he may have on Rufus Bing Products or any Rufus Bing "BE YOURSELF seminars he may attend at a 13% discount.

You will be pleased to know that Shploop has taken your recommendations to heart and has consulted a name change consultant. We hope that his new name will meet with your approval, because Sploop's dream since he was the 8-year-old winner of America's Newest Cheese has been to sign with Rufus Bing Productions. Even as a 7-year-old he was able to recite the entire Dr Pervert mythology by heart. ( His parents used a Dr Pervert CD set on infinite repeat to calm his fear of darkness while he slept. It seems to have imprinted on his brain.) So you can see with that background that now at 19, he is a natural for RFB. He can not wait until 2007 for his music to come into style because his rent is due on the 1st and his car payment is due on the 15th, so a 4 year delay in achieving fame could be financially disastrous. Therefore he is also changing his style, buying a new pair of khakis, and will consider a haircut if you feel it is absolutely essential.
sincerely
his cousin and business assistant
Shplaap

Dear Mr.Shplaap,
What you're saying changes everything.As it turns out our intern here at RB Productions found out the info about 2007 from her personal guru.She has since been let go due to that matter and others.One including a $250.56 company phone bill talking with some guy named Kenny Kingson.
Considering that and your clients background and knowledge of Doctor Pervert we are now in a position to offer him immediate approval and will be forwarding an advance to cover any current difficulties.
We will also be sending a free 2003 edition of Jackie Tells All by Mr. Jackie Chrome.Mr Chrome is a leading expert in quick promotion schemes,I mean ideas and how to be yourself and utilize your greatest talents while exploring and improving weaker attributes.
If need be we would like to also offer your client a position here at Rufus Bing Productions as an intern.The pay is not much but he will have free room and board while he is adjusting to his new suitable life situation.He will also get top priority on any upcoming bookings in the Lowell,Boston and New York City area if he decides to accept our position.
Gratefully Yours
Sidney Hipple
Intake Director
Rufus Bing Productions

Mr Hipple, there are tears in my eyes. I have already bought a bus ticket for my cousin ( the Artist Formerly Known as Shploop ) and Mama packed him a bag of sandwiches for the trip. We see now why Rufus Bing is so well-known in the arts community as "the artists' friend". Not only has it been my cousin's lifelong dream to go to Lowell and be a part of RBP, but it has also been a dream of many of us here to see him go. Again, Mr Hipple, we are all grateful to you and all of RBP.
I realize that my cousin will already be on the bus by the time Mr Chrome's book arrives, but it will not be wasted. I can assure you that "He Who Once Was Shploop" is not the only talented person here in Wayback. You can expect to hear from me again!
Gratefully yours,
Shplaap

Hi Mr.Shplaap,
Thank you for your kind words.I haven't heard from your cousin yet.Please let me know if you know when his bus was to arrive.There's a cult called Muddle Puddle who hang around the bus station and can be very persuasive.If they get a hold of him there's no telling what could happen.Is he street smart or school smart?If he is street smart he'll be okay.If he's well educated he may not have much of a chance against their mind numbing techniques.
By the way when you say it has been a dream of many to see him go.Is there anything I need to know in case he has been abducted by the Muddle Fuddle cult?
Hopefully yours
Sidney Hipple
A+R Director
Rufus Bing Productions

Mr Hipple,
You have me trembling with anxiety and worry. Do you suppose something evil may have happened to my cousin Shploop? ( I know he does not want to be called that any more, but in times like this I can not help but revert to our childhood names.)
Poor Shploop. No, Mr Hipple, he is neither "street smart" nor "school smart". The first because of the severe lack of "streets" here in WayBack, and the second because he was expelled from school before he could complete his education, which was not going well at all.
I should not have implied that we here in WayBack are in any way "glad" to see him go. Yes, he was mischievous and a great believer in the "prank" or practical joke, but ....
Hmmmm.... You know, Mr Hipple, we must consider the possibility that you and I may be victims of a "prank" even as we converse. Although I am concerned for Shploop's welfare, I think this possibility must also stay in the back of our minds. For now, I do hope you will check with the bus company ( Greyhound ) and see if he did indeed arrive in Lowell.
Anxiously awaiting your reply,
Shplaap

Hi Mr.Shplaap,
I sent someone to the bus station to check on your cousin and found out that his bus stopped in Boston before Lowell and it's seems he got off there to get something to eat before the bus continued to Lowell and the bus left without him.He called the office a short time ago and was instructed to take the train to Lowell from Boston.
We have many associates in Lowell and one of them,a Taxi driver named Arthur, will be there this evening waitng for the train and will bring him here as soon as he arrives.The office will be closed but I'll hang around untill he arrives and contact you as soon as he does.
I'm glad he was smart enough to call here when he got stranded in Boston.It's a good thing someone from Wayback thought of putting our office numberon his arm with magic marker before he left.
We would have driven to Boston and picked him up but he couldn't tell us where he was and the traffic in the afternoon is really bad.We told him where ever he was find the subway and take the green line to North Station and get the bus there to Lowell.It's the last stop so if he falls asleep on the train he won't miss his stop cause they will wake him up if he does.
He said he had ten dollars in his left shoe left from his trip.If he does as I told him he should still make it.I gave him my cell phone private number and told him if anything happens please give me a call even if it's collect.If I have I'll find out where he is and drive there myself if I have to.
We haven't lost a client or any employee yet and I don't expect to start now.Thank you for faxing his employee application.We have all his information in our system but there were a few things he left out.If you have a chance could you please tell us the following information that was left out.
Past Job experience and any special skills he may have.Does he have a first name?nothing was listed on the application we received.
Well on the positive side at least he didn't get sucked in to that cult we were worried about.
Hang in there.Everything is going to be fine.
Sidney Hipple

Hello Mr Hipple,
Well I am so glad to hear that. But of course we don't have him in our own sights yet, do we? We just know where he might be and what he might do. But I have my fingers crossed.
I am not sure what his first name or last name might be, Mr Hipple. As you know, he was consulting a name consultant ( who I am afraid is nameless to me ) and I am not sure how far along in the process they were before your wonderful letter inviting him up there arrived and he dropped everything and immediately left on the bus. I very much fear that he had completed the first half of the process wherein he gave up his old name, but was unable to complete the second half whereby he acquired a new name.
So Mr Hipple, my cousin is now floating in a terrible "limbo" where he is not only lost but nameless. Fortunately, he is not of such a sensitive nature as you and me that there is any danger of him "cracking up" as the big city head doctors refer to it. Still, I do worry about him getting hungry. There were only so many sandwiches in the bag and I remember that time he ate the Thompsons' parrot and it was a talker, too. You can imagine how upset Tillie Thompson was. No more "Hello, baby! Hello, Baby!"
Yes, we will miss him in WayBack if anything happens to him, but let's hope nothing does. I am anxiously awaiting your next communication Mr Hipple.
Waiting,
Shplaap

Hi Mr.Shplaap,
I've got some bad news and some good news.The bad news is he never called or showed up last night.I fell asleep on the office couch and didn't wake up untill five o'clock this morning.The good news is I contacted one of our most talented performers Tony D'Wonderful who also is a private detective and asked him to go to Boston and do whatever he has to do to find your cousin and not to come back without him.I don't know what else I can do.
I told Tony to call me tonight whether he finds him or not and let me know what's up.If any one call find your cousin he can.
There's a slight problem.We are not sure how to even pronounce his name or even what he looks like.Can you give us a little info about him that may help us?.It could be a great help in finding your cousin sooner.
Sidney Hipple
RBP

Mr Hipple,
Well you pronounce it just as it is spelled -- Shploop. As for his appearance, he is tall and gangly. Is that a word that you use in Massachusetts, Mr Hipple? "Gangly"? And his hair is brown and his eyes are brown, so he may be hard to spot since I suppose there are a lot of brown-haired people in Boston. But he had on a green plaid shirt if that will help and he has a snakeskin belt made from the skin of a rattlesnake that he killed himself when he was 16. He always did like wandering around in the woods, which we have plenty of here. I suppose wandering around Boston might appeal to him as well, but I hope you can find him. Please thank Mr D'Wonderful for me as that is very kind of him to help with the search.
Sincerely,
Shplaap

Hi Mr.Shplaap,
Good news.Mr, D' Wonderful got a clue and is on his trail. As it turned out your cousin made it to North Station like he was told but it seems he got side tracked to a baseball game at Fenway Park to see our Boston Team the Red Sox, with some baseball fans he meet at north station.

The Boston Red Sox always do good for a short time every year and always blow it every year. They've were on a winning streak untill last night when your cousin was at the game. Chances are he is still with the baseball fans he went with.The Soxs are playing again tonite and Tony, Mr.D'Wonderful has connections and got into the game at the last minute. Chances are your cousin will be at the game again tonite and is with the same crowd. Tony has the info you sent me and has many contacts in Boston and has a few associates helping him.

If the Soxs win it may be hard to find him because everyone will be going wild but if they lose it should be easier to spot him on the way out.
Either way we have to find your cousin soon.Tony has a booking in Las Vegas and has to be on a plane out of Boston on sunday afternoon.
Chances are the Soxs will lose as usual and we'll be all set. Tony's cell phones batteries went dead. I told him if he finds your cousin stay in Boston for the night and call me in the morning.I'll be going into Cambridge, a city next to Boston, in the morning and will see what's going on.
I'm not sure what Gangly means.Sounds like he has grey skin.
Lotta Gue our receptionist came in with my evening cocktail. She's reads the dictionary all the time. She says it means ungracefully tall and thin with long slender limbs. That narrows things down a bit. Thank you.
I'm gonna wait and see if the Boston Reds Soxs win tonight.I don't follow sports at all but in this case I will.
Don't give up hope.We'll find him.
Sidney Hipple

Hello Mr Hipple,
Grey skin? Haha! Very funny, Mr Hipple! Thank you for lightening my spirit in this time of worry. Mr D'Wonderful sounds like a great guy and I discovered that he has a big fan here in WayBack, the same Tillie Thompson that I mentioned earlier. She has a number of his albums and actually saw him in person at Las Vegas at the Sands Hotel where she was staying with her husband Albert on their honeymoon. You can imagine how thrilled she is to hear about this detective work he is doing to find Shploop. Although I have never heard him sing ( I only listen to Bluegrass music ) she assures me that he is truly "wonderful".
We certainly appreciate all the effort you are making on this and I am very sorry that your time is being taken up by Shploop and what seems to me to be totally unnecessary mischievousness on his part. You don't know how many times we in Wayback have... Well, I digress. We are very grateful for your help.
I hope the search is successful and I will be waiting on pins and needles for your next communication...
Shplaap

Hi Shplaap,
It's late.I just got in the door but Tony,Mr.D'Wonderful found your cousin at the train station in Boston last night. He was trying to follow the train tracks and walking to Lowell before Tony found him.He had not eaten in over a day and Tony went across the street and bought him a burger and a tonic.Tonic is what we call soda pop up here. He is in good spirits and I think he has learned a valuable lesson he will never forget.
Tony and him had to take the subway in Boston to get to Tonys car to drive home.It was parked on Richdale Ave in Cambridge,the town next to Boston where Tony can park for free.The subway was closed by the time they started and Tony called a friend at two in the morning to come and give them a ride to Tony's car. When they got to the car they found that Tony's battery had gone dead after his associate had left.He had left the lights on without knowing it.
They decoded to sit in the car and fell asleep.When they woke up it was about ten in the morning. Tony called me from a pay phone because the battery in his cell phone was still dead. I drove to Cambridge and gave Tony a jump start and finally got to meet your cousin. He seems like a good kid with a lot of heart and Tony and him get along very well so I've decide to make your cousin Tony's personal assistant.He going to Las Vegas tomorrow with Tony for the engagement I told you about for a few weeks.Don't worry about him he's in good hands.It looks like things worked out for the best after all.
I'll tell Tony about Tillie Thompson but I'm sure your cousin already has. He seemed very overwhelmed in the presense of Mr.D'Wonderful. I'm sure Mrs Thompson will get to see Tony again in person in fact now that everything is going smoothly up here I'm sure he'll make the time to come to Wayback with your cousin and put on a private performance.
If I get the chance I'll get Tony's private e-mail address and maybe she can communicate with Tony herself and keep everyone posted on how he is doing.
Oh by the way your cousin has finally chosen a new name.He has decided to call himself Gus.He was watching one of Tony's favorite movie The Dark Backwards, a film by Adam Rifkin and was very taken with one of the charactors named Gus and related to him very strongly as a role model.
As I said it's late but I wanted to finally be able to put your mind at ease.
It's ll down hill from here.
Take Care
Sidney Hipple
RBP

Mr Hipple,
I am very relieved that this has turned out so well. As you might imagine, living in a town like Wayback, where happy endings are few and far between, has prepared me for hearing the worst. But instead you have given me the best news possible and my thanks go out to you and Mr D'Wonderful. Shploop, I mean "Gus", could not have ended up with better people. I hope that your investment of time and energy in Gus will be rewarded in the end. You certainly deserve it. Again, give my thanks to Mr D'Wonderful and thank you for the happy ending.
Glad the crisis is over,
Shplaap

To Be Continued...